DOGMA

Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty, and voice of the one true God.(wave)

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Sweet Jesus. Do you have to use the whole can?

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Do you spray everyone who comes into your bedroom with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single.

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Angles are illequipped. See? I’m as anatomically- impaired as a Ken doll!(wave)

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I'm pissed off is what I am.

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I am a Metatron!... Don’t tell me the name doesn’t ring a bell! You people... If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, is it?

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Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, you're mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that out.

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You want more proof? Fine. How about tequila?

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Noah was a drunk. Look what he accomplished.

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You tell someone you're a Metatron, they stare at you blankly. You mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everyone is a theology scholar!

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Bethany What's he like?
Metatron God? Lonely, but funny. He's got a great sense of humor. Take sex for example. There's nothing funnier then the faces you people make mid-coitus.
Bethany Sex is a joke in Heaven?
Metatron The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.

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Metatron For their insolence God decreed that neither Loki nor Bartleby would ever be allowed back into Paradise.
Bethany Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron Worse... Wisconsin... for the entire span of human history.

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Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.